My “Groomsmaid” dress. Oi vey. What a drama that was.
Kathy was so entirely sweet about every decision that was made concerning having me in the wedding. She told me that she’d like me to wear the same dress as the bridesmaids, but would I like to wear sage green (like her attendants were) or would I rather wear black? BLACK!! I always choose black clothing over anything else…it’s slimming! Right? I was thrilled with her over that one.
Would I rather carry a bouquet of lilies like the other girls or would I rather have a boutonniere like the guys would be wearing? A bouquet!! I’m a girl…I like flowers…I need something to do with my hands. A bouquet would be lovely.
She even arranged for me to get fitted for my groomsmaid dress at a store close to me instead of driving down to Columbus where the dresses would be ordered from. I went there, was thrilled when my size dress pretty much fit me (because wedding dresses always run small), was feeling very proud of myself over the weight I had lost and was so happy.
I say that it “pretty much fit me” because the waist fit perfectly. The bust on the other hand…you could have stuffed 10 pairs of Bill’s socks in there and it still would have needed to be taken in. All part of my being part of the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee” and all that.
Months later, Kathy and I met halfway so that I could get my dress from her that had been ordered in Columbus and finally had come in. I drove home all excited about the funny blog post I was going to write of me wearing the dress with 10 pairs of socks stuffed into the bust.
I walked in the door, immediately tried on the dress and realized very quickly…the store where I had tried on the dress at HAD SIZED THE DRESS INCORRECTLY. Yes, the dress I was trying my best to squeeze into (and that Bill was applying the jaws of life to try to zip it up for me) was a dress size TOO SMALL for me.
And would you believe it…the bust was still too large?! That, my friends, is just not right.
So, I went on a girdle hunt…I tried to watch what I ate…and I had the bust of the dress altered.
Unfortunately for me (or maybe fortunately) the sweet older lady that altered my dress didn’t really fit my the bust as tightly as she should have. When I was wearing the dress, the bottom half of the bust was me in my push-up bra. The top half of the bust was the fancy wiring gadget stuff that was built into the dress and a whole bunch of air.
I had the biggest boobs of my life! And they still looked tiny.
So, as this well drawn diagram will show you…there was a lot of empty space not being filled up correctly in my dress. (Red arrow = my teeny tiny “you know whats” and the white arrow indicates the large portion of air floating above them.)
But, I’m feeling pretty good. I’ve got pretty hair! My sister did my make-up really nice for me! I have a black dress which is hopefully slimming! I have fake boobies!!
And all it takes is a little one-year-old rascal to bring a person right back down to where they belong on this earth.
You see, the ladies in my family love to hold Jordyn. She’s our baby…the little princess…we fight over her. And, finally, while waiting for dinner to be served it was my turn to hold her. And she was really happy to sit with me…mainly because she adored my pretty little necklace, but that is neither here nor there.
(I’m not a lush! I swear…those are my children’s non-alcoholic “Shirley Temples” that they kept getting at the bar.)
My baby hog sister-in-law kept trying to take her from me, but Jordyn stayed with me. And I was one happy auntie.
But then the moment came when she began to get bored…and a bit sleepy…and she laid her head down to rest on my “ample” bosom.
And, as little stinkers tend to do, she quickly realized that something felt different. You see…her mommy actually has an ample bosom…and Aunt Angie’s didn’t feel even nearly the same as her mom’s did.
(Can I just stop for a minute and express my “gratitude” for my photographer sister who just “happened” to capture all of these “wonderful” moments with her camera??)
Jordyn wanted nothing to do with that necklace any longer. She had found something much more interesting to do!
Down they went…
And right back up they’d pop!
Down and up. Down and up. Down and up.
Down…and…uuuup!
She could have entertained herself for hours with my nonexistent boobies.
I’m pretty sure I let someone else hold her right after this blessed event occurred.
I’ve decided that I’m just going to consider it my good deed to the family. We now have a new game that we can play with all the babies to keep them occupied during their ornery moments. I’ll just squeeze back into my groomsmaid dress and they can play a rousing game of “Pop Goes The Boobies.”
Or, maybe we should call it “All Around The Bosoms?”
“Itty Bitty Titty Pop-Ups?”
I’m open to suggestions.
Okay I seriously was laughing out loud at this. Too funny. Great pics!
OMG! That is to funny! I don't think I have ever laughed so hard. See I have the same problem thanks to my twins!
That is just too funny. I have the opposite problem, mine stayed larger after my 4th child and now gravity is kicking in after the big 40! On the upside soon I will be able to just stick them in my pants pockets. Who am I kidding….that is not the "UP"side I want! Ugh!
Oh.my.Word! I am trying not to laugh too hard out loud because most of the fam is still sleeping. So imagine me sitting here shaking, hand clapped over my mouth. Oh so funny!!!! You have such a great sense of humor.
Oh, how funny! Thanks for the smiles this morning.
You crack me up Angie. Miss you tons! xoxox
Pop go the Boobies does it for me!
And I repeat-" Aren't sisters the best!" Who else would have caught those precious moments!??
It's still really difficult for me to believe that teeny tiny boobies can get even smaller after you've had babies. And they can droop! Ugh..it is one of life's great mysteries to me.
@llaxton – I was giggling over all the comments until I got to yours. "Stick them in my pants pockets…"?? I'm roaring here!
I guess it doesn't matter what the size, when you're nearing your 40's they are going to have problems. {sigh}
Oh my word!! You're crazy! You know everyone you know is reading this right now.
I like "Pop Goes the Boobies". LOL!
LOL! When I saw "Itty Bitty Titty Committee" on Facebook, I thought, "Not Angie! I saw the photos of her in that dress!" I figured you just have no idea and as president of the IBTC, I would have to enlighten you. Well, welcome to the club. It really isn't so bad. I have similar issues with several clothing items. One of the most frustrating things is those skinny T-shirts that are in style. If I buy them to fit my belly, they don't fit my bust.
Okay, I just read your comment above. What is that all about? It just doesn't seem fair. For a while when I was nursing my babies I had huge boobs. Okay, they were just normal for most people but huge to me. Then they shrunk to smaller than pre-nursing size. Not fair! I was concerned and asked a doctor–a female doctor at that–about it. She thought I was crazy and didn't believe it had happened. I never dared to mention it to another doctor again, but I have heard from other women that it's not at all unusual, just not always talked about.
I'm telling you Jenni…not even the most amazing push-up bra in the world could work those miracles! It just took some fancy dress wiring (whatever in the heck that is called) and AIR.
And yes – I had normal ones while pregnant and nursing and they would shrink more and more after each baby. How an A can shrink is absolutely beyond me though. Urgh!
hehehe… as a fellow member of that same committee, I very much enjoyed and commiserated with your story
.
even being an IBTC girl here in the overly-silicone-saturated OC, I've not minded not having double-Ds, BUT … what I do mind is that my tummy (which isn't huge, but which isn't exactly flat anymore) ALWAYS is bigger than my chest. and that's just never good for a girl's psyche. sigh.
thanks for my morning laugh with my coffee, Angie!!
Haaaaahaha hilarious!!! I can't believe you even have photographic proof! Big or small boobs, you look gorgeous.
Can we just point out that I was testing my flash and hadn't quite figured it out yet?
Me…ample bosom? Ample fat maybe, but the other is a stretch.
Hilarious post. You should make fun of yourself more often.
This wouldn't have been quite as funny if you didn't have the photos to show the story too! :O)
Way too funny! Thanks for sharing, I needed a laugh today………
Sheesh, I want my hair to look like yours!!! Absolutely gorgeous!
So funny! I had that same problem with my wedding dress. I had so much padding my poor hubby was disappointed later! But for once I looked like I had something;-)
Oh, you make me laugh Angie! Perfect to read on this dreary afternoon.
Blessings!
Heather
How many people would blog about their "falsies", complete with pictures?! I love it!
I'm really laughing!
Pop go the boobies is my favorite!
Too funny. That is the worst part about bathing suit shopping. The ones that fit the belly are always full of air at the top. I'm always tempted to buy one of those "air-top" bathing suits just to look big for a change. *sigh* I miss my nursing boobs. Well, except for the leaking, pumping, and constant attachment of a kid.
ok, this post is one of the funniest things I have read in a while! Maybe it is because I can, sadly, totally identify!!
I have three little ones running around and no one ever told me that they could actually shrink and become smaller after three pregnancies! I didn't have much to work with in the beginning either!
So, needless to say, your clever and funny writing paired with the lovely photo story had me laughing out loud!
Thanks for being willing to share!
Oh my word, there are so many of us around…we need to start our very own Itty Bitty Titty Committee!
And Susan, I am totally with you on the "stomach being bigger than the girls" thing. That is completely and totally not fair. No one should have to deal with that during their lifetime. lol!
This is HYSTERICAL. I love it!
and I have the same problem . . .
Oh, Angie! What a hoot! And to have photographic proof? Priceless!
And I'm another that can join your IBTC. I can totally relate. I enjoyed the beginning months of my pregnancy when I was still skinny but suddenly had something up top…normal for others but a whopping "B" for me! When I'm overweight (like now) they're still small. When I'm fit, they're more like "mosquito bites" (heard a friend say this about herself once), and my middle feels too thick because there's nothing up top to give me some shape! Oh the woes! LOL! At least they're easy to run with.
Loved your post!
Ohmigoodness! LOL! You know, we would have never known this by the pictures UNTIL you said something!
Blessings,
Tammy ~@~
But then one day you all might meet me in person Tammy and you'll be thinking…what in the world happened to her?!?!? lol!!
Oh Angie…I'm laughing so hard at this! The way you described the pockets of air and how they deflated, then inflated…HYSTERICAL!
And I just love that you shared it with us. Thanks for letting us all in on your adventure!
Angie! When I read this I couldn't comment because I was on my phone but this made me laugh SO hard. OH MY GOSH! Freaking funniest story EVER : ) I love it.
And How skinny and amazing do you look in that dress. I try not to like you so much since you have killer dimples and you are skinny and adorable, but I just can't help myself : )
And you, are totally and completely the cutest groomsmaid : )
Oh my word. Can I just say here that Andrea might.. just MIGHT.. have gotten tired of always playing backup? And she just MIGHT have the tiniest little smirk on her face at this point? Just sayin'. As for the name, I love all of them, but really, isn't it actually "Hide and Go Seek"? (or maybe "Duck, Duck, Boob"…?) Thank you very much for the AMPLE laughs… :<)
Hilarious!!! Thanks for the laugh! I have mostly been nursing or pregnant since I got married, and have never gotten to a respectable weight yet, so I haven't experienced your issues yet! I was part of the committee before I got pregnant, in fact, a good friend bought me a shirt that said Objects Under This Shirt are Larger Than They Appear when I was in high school ~ and my parents let me wear it!!!
I made my co workers read this today since we were all feeling stressed and cranky : ) Thank you for making us smile! You are the bomb! : )
I'm glad my being on the IBTC could make your day Becky…and your co-workers too. lol!
They must all think I am a crazy lady now.
Angie, did you see the preview for the new movie "Proposal"? I had to think of you and this post when Betty White is feeling the girls dress, that's way too big in the boobs, and says "It's like hunting for Easter Eggs!"
@Aspiemom – I've actually seen that movie and totally forgot about that scene. It was hysterically funny!
That line is the best…